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Old 5th February 2008, 04:54
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Hillary Clinton, a Democratic Party Presidential candidate is for banning all guns in America. She is considered by those who have dealt with her as a little more than just a little self-righteous.,, At a recent rural elementary school meeting in north Florida she asked the kids audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, she started to slowly clap her hands, once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, she said into the microphone, 'Every time I clap my hands, a child in America dies from gun violence. A young voice with a proud southern accent (probably Johnny) from the front of the crowd pierced the quiet! 'Well, stop clappin, ya stupid bitch!
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Old 5th February 2008, 04:55
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A princess is walking along a pond in the royal gardens when she
looks down and sees a really ugly frog. Picking the frog up, she
comments on the creature's rather hideous appearance.

Princess: "My, but you are really an ugly frog!"

Frog: "I know, I know, I got a really bad spell on me."

Princess: "Well I've seen frogs with spells but, none as ugly as you."

Frog: "Look, leave me alone my dear. I told you, it's a really bad spell."

Princess: "Well even so, if I kiss you will you turn into a prince?"

Frog: "I don't know dear, a spell this bad will probably take a blow job."
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Old 5th February 2008, 04:57
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CAMEL SEX

A new Marine Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the African
desert. During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel hitched
up behind the mess tent.
He asked the Sergeant why the camel was kept there.
The nervous sergeant said, "Well sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on
the post and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have "urges". That's why we
have Molly the Camel."
The Captain said, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about
"urges", so the camel can stay."
About a month later, the Captain started having his own 'urges'. Crazy with
passion, he asked the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a ladder
behind the camel, the Captain stood on the ladder, pulled his pants down and
had wild, insane sex with the camel.
When he is done, he asked the Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?"
"No, not really, Sir... they usually just ride the camel into town where the
girls are."
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Old 5th February 2008, 04:58
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Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking one day.

Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most beautiful girl in the world."

Tom Thumb said, "I must be the smallest person in the world."

Quasimodo said, "I absolutely have to be the most disgustingly ugly person in the world."

So they all decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to have their claims verified.

Sleeping Beauty went in first and came out looking deliriously happy. "It's official, I AM th e most beautiful girl in the world."

Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant, "I am now officially the smallest person in the world."

Sometime later, Quasimodo comes out looking utterly confused and says. "Who the heck is Rosie O'Donnell ?
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Old 5th February 2008, 05:00
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A Texan went to Chicago, where he thought he would find a new "city" outfit. He went into Marshall Field's and, when asked by a sweet young woman if she could help him, he answered, "Yes, ma'am. Ya see, I'm from Texas, and I want to buy a complete city outfit."

Her eyes lit up as she asked, "Where would you like to start?"

"Well, ma'am, how about a suit?"

"Yes, sir. What size?"

"Size 53 tall, ma'am."

"Wow, that's really big."

"Yes, ma'am, they really grow them big in Texas."

"What's next?" she asked.

He replied, "How about some shoes?"

"What size?"

"Size 15 double D."

"Wow, that's really big!"

"Yes, ma'am. They really grow them big in Texas."

"What's next?"

"Well, I reckon I'll need a shirt."

"Yes, sir. What size?"

"Nineteen and a half neck, size 38," he replied.

"Wow, that's really big!"

"Yes, ma'am. They really grow them big in Texas."

"Will there be anything else?" she asked.

"Yes, ma'am. I 'spect I'll need a hat."

"Yes, sir. What size?"

"Eight and five-eighths."

"Wow, that's really big!"

"Yes, ma'am. They really grow them big in Texas."

The woman virtually glowed as she asked, "Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"No, ma'am, I reckon that will be all."

As the sweet saleswoman tallied up his bill and the Texan counted his money, she blushed and asked, "Sir, could I ask you a question?"

"Yes, ma'am, I already know what it is. And the answer is four inches."

Astonished, she blurted out, "Why, my boyfriend is bigger than that!"

Without so much as a stutter, the Texan replied, "From the floor, ma'am?"
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Old 12th February 2008, 07:38
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Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation. They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before. The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, 'I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.'

They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.

The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. 'I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.'

They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.

The last one (you knew it), a blonde, is strapped in and says, 'Well, I'm from Oklahoma State University and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, ya'll ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in.'
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Old 12th February 2008, 07:40
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Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out.
Both were very faithful and loving wives, however they had gotten
over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.

Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they
stopped in the darkened cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would
take off her panties and use them.

Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties
and did not want to ruin them.

She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath
with a ribbon on it, so she wiped herself with the ribbon.

After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.

The next day the one woman's husband was concerned that his
normallysweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he
phoned theother husband and said:

'These girl nights have got to stop!
I'm starting to suspect the worst...
my wife came home with no panties!!'

'That's nothing,' said the other husband, 'Mine came home with a
card stuck to her ass that said.....

"From all of us at the Fire Station.
We'll never forget you."
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Old 13th February 2008, 07:41
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A guy gets home late one night and his wife says, "Where the hell have
you been?" "I was out getting a tattoo." "A tattoo? What kind of tattoo
did you get?" "I got a hundred dollar bill on my penis." "What the hell
were you thinking? Why did you get a hundred dollar bill on your penis?"
"Well, number one, I like to watch my money grow. Number two, once in a
while, I like to play with my money, and lastly, instead of you going out
shopping, you can stay home and blow a hundred bucks."
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Old 13th February 2008, 07:42
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A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe, my friend, think about what you're doing to yourself! Come with me running through the forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.

Then they come across an elephant doing coke. So the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about what you're doing to yourself! Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.

The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up. "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about what you're doing to yourself! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle and starts to beat the shit out of the little rabbit. The giraffe and elephant watch in horror, then finally obtain the presence of mind to pull the lion off the rabbit.

"Lion," they reprimand, "why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!" The lion answers, "That little fucker had me running around the forest like an idiot for hours every time he's been on ecstasy!"
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Old 13th February 2008, 07:42
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A little guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE guy
> >standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at
> him, looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis,
3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."
> >
> >The small guy faints dead away and falls to the floor. The big dude
> >kneels down and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him.
> When the little guy finally comes around, the big guy asks him, "What's
> wrong with you?"
> >
> >In a very weak voice the little guy says, "Excuse me, but what EXACTLY
> >did you say to me?"
> >
> >The big dude said, "I saw the curious look on your face and figured I'd
> >just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me.
> >I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch penis, my left
> >testicle weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds and my
> >name is Turner Brown."
> >
> >The small guy says, "Thank God! I thought you said 'Turn around!'"
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